Trigger warning: discussion of suicidal ideation.
Life’s hard. It’s true.
But when life throws storms at us, we have two decisions we can make.
We can either bend with the storm and let it wash us away.
Or we can plant our feet and hold our ground.
Even if the storm buffers us and tries its best to dislodge us, even if we get hit back a few steps, or washed away for a few metres, when we make the decision to stand, the storm will not be able to fully wash us away. We will continue to fight.
Because the truth is, we can overcome every storm.
Every storm, every dark night, comes to an end eventually. Somewhere on the other side, there is sunshine.
For me, I am a Christian, and Jesus is that light for me. He gives me the strength to stand for another day, to fight against the storm, even when it seems like life is sending every possible obstacle my way.
As the age-old saying goes, mind over matter, and for the most part, it stands true.
I’ve been reading an amazing book called “The Battlefield of the Mind”, by Joyce Meyer, and I’d definitely recommend it for anyone battling with their mind, or even fighting a storm they feel they are losing. I’ve learnt a lot of interesting things from this book, but one of the most important things I’ve learnt, which I technically already knew but hadn’t really taken onboard, is that you can take control of your thoughts, you can make the decision to think positively, to keep going, no matter what your life is like. Don’t give up!
Multiple times this year I almost gave up. Everything felt too hard and too overwhelming and I was facing trials on every front. I wanted to leave the world, and leave the pain. Everything was getting too much, and if pain was life, then I, frankly, I didn’t want life.
But when I was telling one of my counsellors my thoughts, and even plans, she took action and we got in contact with a crisis team and they were amazing. They understood that I didn’t actually want to die as such, I just wanted to get rid of the pain in my life. We put things in motion and got in contact with doctors and such to try and help me manage the pain I live with every day, or try reduce it at least.
You see, I have a spinal condition that causes chronic back pain pretty much every day, and I had come to live with it, but then my stomach and gut began acting up and causing me a lot of pain and uncomfortable, even awkward problems. None of the doctors knew what it was, and I felt like I was getting nowhere near a diagnosis. There were many possibilities and because of this, ruling them out was a very slow process. On top of this, I struggle with anxiety and depression, and these new health problems sent my mood sky-rocketing downwards. I couldn’t see any way out of all the pain.
But through the crisis team, I began getting answers. Some of my medications were changed, and with my GP we crossed out quite a few diagnoses of my gut problems and we have almost got to a conclusion. I am on a lot of different medications, but I am mostly pain free and in an emotionally healthy state currently. There is still a long road to go to healing, and there are bound to be many more storms to get through but I can see the sunshine just peeking out from behind the cloud, and it is a wonderful feeling.
Because life isn’t just pain.
It is flowers, and sunny days, and mountains, and bird song, and friends, and hugs, and first kisses, and puppies.
It is all the things you’ve never done, but want to, all the things you’ve already done that have shaped you as an individual, all the good memories.
And yes there is pain. But there is also so much good.
So to all of you out there, still fighting, keep up the good work! Never give up! You’ll find the sunshine one day.
The thing to remember is that this day is what matters. It is the decisions you make on this day and every other day to follow that matter.
Don’t drop out of the fight early, You are no coward. Win your fight, beat your storm, and come out a stronger, more beautiful individual because of it.
Even if you don’t realise it, you inspire people every day you keep fighting.
And even if you lose the fight one day, don’t beat yourself up because of it, wake up the next morning, and fight again. Take each day, one at a time, and live to the best of your ability.
So go out there and shine, my friends.
Fight the good fight, and retire a warrior at the end of a life well-lived.
Don’t give up. You matter!
And you will get through this,
I promise.
Love, Moondancer.
You Are Not Alone. 
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