I guess

I guess I'm a bit confused. I don't read people like I read words, like I read the books that are crammed on my shelf (and sometimes I worry I'll run out of room). Candles and fairy lights, books, papers, shelved dreams. Colours of silver and purple, like my hair now and my hair one... Continue Reading →

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Rest

Sometimes You are too tired And in too much pain To do everything that you would Ordinarily Do On a days you consider yourself well.

A Thank You Note

Dear Friend, The whole point of this blog is to allow me to say the things I can't say out loud. And... I have some things to say. First of all, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you've had to deal with me. I've been a horrible mess for the last month, and I'm only starting to... Continue Reading →

Hello, I’m Agnostic.

Today I told my father I am an agnostic. To that, he said that technically, by the definition of agnosticism, I've been an agnostic for a long time.  He's right in that department, of course.  I questioned my faith for so long before stepping outside it and accepting this label. Agnostic. It still feels strange. ... Continue Reading →

Life Story

He said, tell me about your life, and it was a simple request, self. You had a scripted response, bland and concise, the version without tears.

Don’t Say I Told You So

I swear, if you say it again... I know you told me. I know. I know. I know. But that doesn't fix anything, does it? I'm sorry I'm not what you wanted. I'm sorry I'm weak. I'm sorry I don't function the way you want, the way you expect. I'm sorry I've been broken. I'm... Continue Reading →

You Left.

Trigger warning: This post contains an extensive discussion of cheating and divorce as well as several instances of strong language. I remember a time when I stood up for you, mother dear.  You had worked long hours on a concrete floor, and your fibromyalgia had flared up so badly you had collapsed into bed.  I... Continue Reading →

Disturbed

Trigger warning: This post contains an extensive discussion of stalking and brief references to unwanted sexual attention.

To My Sons

Boys - I see you See your hands over hers, push the swing higher and higher She trusts you not to let her fall. I am proud of you. Boys - I see you See your hunger as you crowd around my table after basketball with your father, spaghetti and garlic bread heaped onto plates... Continue Reading →

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