Now I will speak

Face me, I tell you, This is all I wanted: Shatter your words over your own head; they were yours.

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Floating

Trigger warning: this post contains an extensive discussion fo depersonalisation disorder I think I'm floating. Strings of white light, hold me down, keep me tethered. Numb fingers (are they mine?) type at a keyboard while I watch from afar (though I don't know who I am). Fuzzy head, fuzzy head, my mind about two inches... Continue Reading →

Fire Inside Me.

Trigger warning: Extensive discussion of anxiety and panic attacks.    It burns deeps within me, a fire smouldering in my gut. It eats at my mind, at my patience, feeding on my worries, embers turning to bonfires. It grows up inside me, overwhelming, overtaking. This burning, unsettling, sickening fire in my stomach. Anxiety. The molehills... Continue Reading →

Freedom

You are too kind to the monsters, self, too kind to their sins. They have teeth to eat you up; you feed them tea and crumpets. Do not go with them.

Puppy Love

This week I wanted to take a different angle than I normally do, talking through struggles and such. This week I wanted to talk about my dog (pictured above), and not just any dog, my emotional support animal, or at least she will be once she is trained. Right now she is just a puppy,... Continue Reading →

Road Trip

Tires on the road, you are regressing, self, to the self you were before you woke. Nerves taut in your body, nerves snapping. All your atoms, every cell in your brain, pretending death in hopes of safety.

Ice Chains

No. Child, hush. Bite your tongue and smother your heart under the crowding snowbanks. You should not want, child. You cannot want. You cannot want more than the slice you have been given. CHILD.  Do not presume to speak out. You know nothing. Ice will save you. Ice will freeze you. Frozen child cannot move;... Continue Reading →

P. S. I miss you

Trigger warning: the following contains extensive discussion of anorexia. Dear Ana, I can't stop thinking about you, darling. It's been a whole six months since we were properly together, and since then I've only seen you in bursts of colour and dripping blades. You and I, we were meant to be. I lay awake at... Continue Reading →

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