You promise your mouth coffee, self, in exchange for surviving this day. Because this day you are seven, one part rage, two parts scared bunny. Shaken, not stirred.
Dear ______, Knowing what to call you is always hard. We were a dream, a tentative question, a curious glance. I scared you, that first time we talked. I don't know how to do small talk, so I dove off the deep end and began talking about God-knows-what. I don't know if you would remember, judging by your stunned silence as you just blinked over at me. You said that was what made me stick in your head, was how irreverent I was to the way things are supposed to be done. My differences that I have hated myself for were what captured your attention - you said avoiding me was impossible.
Trigger warning: This post contains moderate references to depression and extensive references to anorexia and anxiety. It's been a while since the last time I crawled out of the rabbit hole that was my eating disorder. By a while, I mean not long enough. But I've discovered I want to return, feel the damp earth... Continue Reading →
You are cleaning your basement head, self. You are scrubbing walls. You are washing mold from hidden dishes, reupholstering furniture.
Trigger warning: heavy discussion of emotional and sexual abuse I can't breathe. Please don't hurt me again, please, please don't yell. Please just pretend I don't exist... I can't breathe. I'M SORRY--
Trigger warning: this post discusses anxiety in-depth. Also I think I came off a bit angry at anxiety. You know how they say depression's a liar? So's anxiety. Anxiety tells you you've done something wrong when you haven't and that you haven't done something when you have. It causes perfectionism to a destructive degree, and... Continue Reading →
My first post on this blog was called Who am I? and having this post being a poem by the same name feels like I've come full circle. And in that time, so much has happened. It is as if I have lived an entire lifetime. I am almost a completely different person now. That... Continue Reading →