Love yourself.

Trigger warning: Mention of depression and suicidal thoughts. 

These past few weeks, I’ve been struggling with a lot of stuff internally. One night, while video chatting, my parents told me, amongst other insightful comments, that even though I poured love into others, I lacked love for myself. I got off the phone later and was thinking about this a lot. At 2am on a Sunday morning, this poem came to life and it speaks to all the things I was struggling with.

So here, I share with you, Love Yourself, a poem:

 

Love yourself, that’s what they said.

You can do it. Change the thoughts in your head.

Push the negative away, bring the positive in.

Come on, they said. You’ll be able to win.

 

But it’s not as easy as that.

It’s not as easy as that.

 

Love yourself, that’s what they said.

Love yourself and you’ll be able to get ahead.

It’s time to move on, don’t stay in the past.

If you stay in this space, you won’t be able to grow. You won’t last.

 

But it’s not as easy as that.

It’s not as easy as that.

 

So many memories tumble and churn.

Some of them hurt and some of them burn.

I know I must face them in order to heal,

but I don’t know how.

I don’t like the way they make me feel.

I feel too little. I feel too much.

Where is the balance? I feel like I’m losing touch.

 

My world is only moments from slipping away

and all you do is tell me to pray.

You don’t think I’ve done that? You don’t think I’m trying?

It’s not like I want to keep thinking about dying.

 

I feel so weak, but you tell me I’m strong. I want to believe you but the words feel so wrong.

Deep down inside, I know you speak true, but I cannot help but feel blue. I don’t know what to believe anymore.

The words in my own head just sound so clear: you’re weak, you’re not worth it, you’re a bother, a bore.

I don’t want to deal with life anymore.

 

On the outside, I smile and say things are fine,

but the me on the inside wants to drown herself with wine.

Drown out the feelings, drown out the pain, drown out the thoughts and the mess and the strain.

How do I begin to walk down memory lane?

 

Love yourself, that’s what they said,

but how can you do that when you’re scared of your own head?

 

Love yourself, that’s what they said.

Since I’d hit rock bottom, I thought I’d see where it led.

I’m not sure where I going or where to even start, but I have people around to stop me falling apart.

When the weight is too heavy, they give me a hand, and when I think I will fall, they help me to stand.

 

Love yourself, that’s what they said.

It’s the only way you’ll get ahead.

In order to stop the internal wars, love your strengths, love your flaws.

Love the good, but also the bad. Be kind to yourself. Try your best not to get mad.

Pour love into your heart, pour love into your soul, pour love into your mind and you’ll start to feel whole.

 

When you don’t have enough love to keep filling the tank, ask for a loan from the friend love storage bank.

 

I may be making it sound easy, but the reality is tough. It’s a hard thing to do: to feel like you’re enough.

But bit by bit, slowly, I’m coming back together. With the help of my friends, I’ll make it through this rough weather.

There will be bad days. We are only human.

But the good days will come and disperse the clouds that are looming.

 

“I love myself,” that’s what I need to learn to say.

“I love myself,” signals the making of a way:

a way to the light, a path to healing,

a reason to fight, a balance of feeling.

 

You can do it, that’s what they say,

and this time, I believe them, because God always makes a way.

Take time to invest love into yourselves, my friends.

Love, Moondancer.

 

 

 

 

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