I’m Fine

 

Trigger warning: This post contains an extensive discussion of anxiety.

Today’s post is going to be a short one for a couple of reasons. 1. A book I’ve been waiting months for finally came out this week and that has pretty much consumed me. 2. I had no internet yesterday so I couldn’t access the Google doc I started the original post on. And 3. The past week and a half have been very long.

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I don’t know what happened but about two weeks ago my anxiety heighten. Maybe it was something in the wind or the angle of the moon, who knows. I don’t really care either because I can’t change it. Nothing bad happened to trigger it, it just happened.

Lately, I feel like I’m not handling my anxiety as well as I used to. I just can’t seem to get a grip on myself. Thankfully, when I get overly stressed instead of having a panic attack, I cry.

I’ve been crying, a lot. It’s quite embarrassing and I can’t stop. This past weekend I went away for the night with some of my friends and I cried two times before leaving the house and once on the way to their house. I cried after work the other day, I cried because I read a blog post about someone organizing her pantry. Why can’t my pantry look like that?

Along with the crying I have also been really irritable. I know that I am and I’m trying not be but it’s been hard. I keep snapping at people and “biting their heads off” (as my mom would say). It’s not too bad until they start asking me questions or telling me about things I need to do or what I haven’t done. I’m not usually grumpy like this.

Aside from that I just feel off. I feel kind of flat unless I’m stressed lately. I hate it.

As soon as school is out I’m going to try talking to my doctor about it and see what he recommends. There’s only ten days of school left and they couldn’t get me in before then anyway. Until then I’m fine. I’m just reminding myself to breath, calm down and that it’s not the end of the world even if I think it is.

Do you ever have random spikes of anxiety? What do you do when the happen?

Love,

Peace Will Win

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6 thoughts on “I’m Fine

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  1. Ohh yes. Sweetie, you’re not alone in this. I don’t have anxiety, but every so often something will catch me off guard, and my stress level will start rising for no good reason. Just yesterday my mom and I were trying to get stuff figured out for my next year of dual enrollment, and she was asking me to email people or call them and help her find a link on the OCU site, and sort-of-my-guy was messaging me and reminding me that I hadn’t replied to his last message (we were character chatting), and my grandmother was messaging me, trying to figure things out for Mother’s Day, and it all got to be a bit too much, and stress started eating at me, a bit like the screaming I talked about in my last post. And when that happens, I can either have a meltdown or turn into a raging hellbeast, so I escaped to the bathroom for a bit to calm down. I sang a little bit of Twenty One Pilots really quietly to myself, and managed to ease myself out of my stress so I could come back and be okay. So singing helps me. Taking slow deep breaths, closing my eyes, finding something to lean my head against, in this case a window. It helps me quiet the screaming. Ideally, I would be praying, but I still find it hard to pray in those moments. Something I need to work on.

    You’ll make it through this, hon. Pray. Rest. Do what you need to to calm down. You can do it. Let me know if you need anything. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve been working on reminding myself to pray during those moments too. It always seems like those times that I really need to hear what He has to say I can’t lol.

      Figuring out dual credit stuff can be such a pain but it’s worth it in the end! You can do it! Thanks for the words of encouragement, sorry for this crazy late response. ❤

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  2. I feel you. My anxiety has been horrible over the past month, and I’m not sure what caused this rise (although it would be so easy to just say it was because Mercury was in retrograde :P). It’s so hard to take backward steps, to feel like you’re closer to where you started than before, especially if you’ve already made leaps and bounds forward. I guess it’s just a matter of gritting my teeth and retracing my baby steps that I took before and figuring out all over again how to survive. I hope you’re able to do the same and take away valuable lessons for future breakdowns.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s been a bit better, actually. My doctor recommended valerian root extract pills (over the counter), and although I was skeptical, I’ve found they calm me enough to make life a great deal easier. They work even better than the anxiety medicine she also wanted to try. XD Thank you for asking. 🙂

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