Trigger warning: This post has a brief mention of depression.
“These days I have major mood swings. Stress and depression are the main moods I’m feeling. I hate feeling so goddamn miserable. I’m feeling quite scared. Whenever I’m thinking of certain people I feel as though I’m being caged in, blood thirsty predators surrounding me. Then I get panic attacks. In one way, I want school to start, but I also dread it. I need to get these feelings out of me. I need to write them down, to explain. But how? Okay, well firstly, I feel threatened by certain people. I feel as though they are against me.”
This was a passage from my old teenage diary. I was sixteen then.
I wanted to share it because rereading my old diary really hit hard. Why? Because it’s hard proof of the change I endured, from who I used to be, to who I am now. I don’t really journal anymore, I’ve stopped feeling the need to constantly document my life.
Because I’ve started living it. I’ve stopped being so scared of people, and embraced the world. I’ve stopped fearing the future and take each day as it comes.
And while this is my very first post, and it’s meant to be introductory. I feel like showing you a part of me, a part of my past is the best way to introduce myself. Telling you all how I’m usually hyperactive, love making jokes and being with friends is superficial. It’s what’s under the surface that matters.
To finish, I just want to say to you all that no matter how much you don’t believe it, you’ve grown. You’re not the same person as your past self. And if you feel like you want to improve yourself, you want to grow, do it! Right now, you can decide to be a different person. You don’t have to wait for the sun to rise, for the start of a new day, or for the sun to set on today.
You can become reborn,
Nuur El Huda