Hard Hands

Trigger Warning: extensive discussion of sexual molestation and abuse

 – – – – –

Soft skin

Young skin

As many years as fingers

10

Goosebumps

Tickles

Feather light

Hands

Hard hands

Hard hands gentle on soft skin

Hard lips gentle on soft lips

Young skin

Soft skin

Blue dress

Rosettes on waistband

Hands creeping

Claiming

Owning

Possessing

Soft skin mild

Compliant

Shy

Frightened

Shaking

Hard hands owning, owning, owning, owning

Still gentle in touch but

soft lips open

Please don’t

Hard hands own

Soft skin

Broken

Soft skin marked

Soft heart losing blood

Losing life

Losing desire, want to, passion, vitality

Spiraling

Guilt

Wicked, evil soft skin

Soft skin should have been a cactus

Prickly

Sharp

Biting

Soft heart should have been a cactus

Prickly

Sharp

Biting

Wicked, evil soft heart

Broken

Broken

Broken

No hope

No breath

No space

Hard hands still owning, owning, owning

Chasing

Taking

Holding

Claiming

No bruises on soft skin

Bruises on soft heart

Soft heart sweet sixteen

Soft heart turned away from dreams:

Husband
Children
Home
Love
Life

Soft heart cold

Soft heart broken

Soft heart lost

Hard hands owning

Hard hands taking

Tender hands touch soft skin

Offer to hug

Offer to comfort

Soft lips tighten in high piercing scream

Can’t help it

Tender hands are not owning soft skin

Tender hands do not mean to hurt

Tender hands want to help

Tender hands don’t understand

Tender hands don’t know about hard hands

No one knows about hard hands

Only soft heart

Soft skin

Alone

Hard hands owning

Hard hands taking

Hard hands owning

Hard

Hands

Owning

NO

No

Nononononononononono

NO

N
O

Soft heart firm

Soft heart owning soft skin

Soft skin owning soft heart

Soft heart pushing hard hands

Soft skin pushing hard hands

Soft heart angry

Soft skin angry

Break hard hands

Crush hard hands

No

Ignore hard hands

Ignore hard hands

Hard hands do not exist in soft skin space

Soft skin owns self

Soft lips own self

Soft heart owns self

Tender hands touch soft skin

Soft skin softens

Soft skin loves

Soft skin gives

Soft lips give

Soft heart gives

Tender hands receive

Tender hands give back

Soft skin

Soft heart

Soft lips

Love

heart-583895

Dearest, you are not alone. I understand all too well the devastation, the agony, the blaming of one’s self. I understand being afraid of touch and hating to be seen. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

You are not alone.

~Love, Butterfly Emergent~

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12 thoughts on “Hard Hands

Add yours

    1. Thank you Lovely ❤

      To be honest I was scared stiff to share it; had I not been dead asleep this morning, I might have changed the post. But I think I am glad that I didn't let my fear control me and that I did share it. One thing that I promised myself was not to let this individual hold sway over me anymore than he had already. And being so scared that I wouldn't talk about it – that was buying into the fear he instilled in me.

      Liked by 2 people

  1. Oh dear… This poem is frightfully beautiful. I’m amazed at how you can speak without using full sentences and still convey such intense emotion. I’m so sorry you’ve gone through this, but dear, as Priceless Tree Dweller said, you are so strong. Thank you for being so brave and sharing yourself. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This is so incredibly poetic, and tastefully written. There is a good and bad way to go about writing about these types of topics, and you blew it out of the water! This is devastatingly haunting, and my heart aches for you and everyone who has had to endure this.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. The emotion you conveyed is impressive and powerful. Seriously leaves me here, skin crawling because I once knew some hard hands too. You wrote that incredibly well and it is hauntingly true to the inside of the mind of that. I’m so entirely and deeply sorry that you had to go through that, you are wonderful and strong and amazing. You are very strong. And I saw that you’re starting to believe that. I hope you continue to see that in yourself because that’s what I see in you, a bright strong butterfly.

    Like

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