Spring in the Underworld

Hey there, Lovely Reader!

I love music. I bet you love it too. I listen to everything, well, except some of those meaningless cliché songs that the radio plays over and over again, but other than those, I really do find something I like in everything. Listening to music is an everyday thing. I’m sure you know that feeling when you hear an amazing song and you shiver, because goodness, it’s just so good. Kurt Cobain, singer of one of my favorite bands – Nirvana – said this:

“I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I’m not.”

And that is, my friends, what I want to talk about. This is only a quote. These are only words, it’s only a sentence. You can find better ones, I’m sure, but why would you when the meaning is so powerful? I don’t know what it says to you, but for me it’s like a shouting, “Hey! Be proud of who you are!” Tell me this. When was the last time when you went to sleep with a calm mind? When thoughts weren’t burning inside your head like a bloody forestfire, when you were peaceful, happy, content. If you can tell me a date from not so long ago, then great, I’m so glad you’re that lucky! Apprecite that. Most of us aren’t like that.

I’ve never been one of those beautiful girls. I’ve never been skinny, flawless, popular. It bothered me for years, for so many years, but I only realized it when I got older. When I was little, it didn’t matter, and I always thought of myself like a strong girl, someone who wouldn’t care about things like sizes, kilograms or calories. My old self must feel disappointed now. As I turned fourteen, the world exploded around me. Everyone and everything was trying to tell me how I should look, how I should act, how I should live. Commercials, advertisments, and the whole media in general. Now that I’m studying Media and Communication, I can see behind every annoyingly perfect camera move. I see the reason why. Many of these ads and media stuff are based on the ideal of a very slim layer of people. They show us what they think beauty is, but it doesn’t mean that they’re right. If you look up a commercial from thirty or even twenty years ago, you’d be surprised. Shameless women, real women with curves and broad smiles, beautiful the way they are.

Getting to the point where you finally accept yourself is a very long way, and it’s even longer for some of us. I know how hard is it to find anything on yourself you like, that some days everything seems to be wrong, ugly and simply just not good enough. I can’t tell you how many times I lost even the last shred of motivation to get up in the morning, to get dressed again, to see this mass of everything I hate in the mirror, again. I know that you feel like everyone is watching you, when you enter a room, they look at those parts of you, the ones you try to hide so hard. You withdraw. You decline your friends when they ask you to go with them to somewhere, you cancel plans. You stay at home, huddled up, alone. I know what it feels like. I’ve been there, what’s more, I’m still there somedays. The feeling of never being good enough is a poison, it eats itself in your heart, in your head, and it laughs at you every time something doesn’t go as you planned. But let me tell you this: It doesn’t have to be like that.

I’m talking just as for myself as for You, Dear Reader. You were given this life, this very one. There are no second chances for this, no try agains. You really want to spend your time in that deep, dark hole of self-hating? I know it’s hard to change, and that it seems impossible now. But the greatest warriors get to fight through the biggest wars, and I believe that you are a great warrior. You were made to be one, it’s inside of you. It’s there next to those precious, unique parts of you that you keep hidden, because you’re afraid that someone will judge you. But the truth is, you are the only, and the biggest judge of yourself. Don’t tell yourself you can’t wear what you want, that you can’t act how you want. Don’t try to be someone else. You never know who would give everything to be like you, while you’re trying to appear as a different person. I like to think that everyone is born with a reason. It’s like a great story, this whole life, the universe is a grand story. And a good writer, which I believe we have, doesn’t add characters without purpose. You’re amazing despite of your looks, despite the size of your jeans. All of these are just the wrap around the present, and I don’t know about you, but I’m that kind of kid who doesn’t care much about the gift wrap, only about what’s under it. I’ve met quite the lot amount of people in my life, and I can tell you, looks really aren’t everything. After all, salt does look like sugar, too.

I’m learning. I’m learning to climb out of this hole, I’m learning to be selfish when it comes to me. And you know what? Life is so much easier when you’re not stressing on how you look, when you don’t try to be what you think is perfect – because that’s highly influenced by media, and that has nothing to do with real beauty. But I already talked about that. Everyone has its own value, and this value isn’t measured by kilograms. If you feel good in your skin, that shows on you on the outside. Your eyes shine brighter, your smile is wider, and it draws people. Those who are that shallow to only care about appearance shouldn’t get to be a part of your life. But only you can take the first step, you have to decide to give this a chance. No more poisonous thoughts. Imagine that you’re a writer and feel free to kill that annoying voice in your head. (Also, if you figure any interesting ways of killing, let me know, my characters need it. I’m not a serial killer, I promise.)

I know you can do this. Now go and start a new chapter in your life, start with a blank paper, embrace the thought of accepting yourself the way you are. Feel good. Feel content. You’re enough. You’re beautiful. Let yourself, and others to see it.

All diamonds are hiding in the dark, but when they’re found and brought to the light, they amaze everyone. I believe you are a diamond, too.




14 thoughts on “Spring in the Underworld

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  1. Thank you for this ❤

    I was really tiny and pixie like for a long time, but when I was fifteen, I put on a lot of weight due to a three mile long list of reasons. It's been within the past year that I've been able to love myself for the way I am right now. Yeah, I am working to lose weight, because it's not healthy and it gets in the way of what I want to do. But not because other people want me to. Go stuff it. I may find that I'm stick straight and skinny as a rail, like my brothers are and like I was, and that's okay too.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Oh sweetie. *gives all the hugs* I’m so sorry you’ve had to struggle with your self image like this. I’ve known you for so long and so well that I did know, but I still wish you didn’t have to. And I just want you to know that you are stunning, in every way. Please, never let anyone tell you otherwise.

    But I’m thankful you’re so willing to talk about this and encourage others with it. It takes a lot of bravery. ❤ Always remain your lovely self, dear.

    Also, on the note of needing interesting ways to kill people… Why not just feed them to Cerberus?

    Liked by 2 people

  3. This post means worlds to me. I am fighting the intermittent stream of lies in my mind, calling me stupid, ugly, fat, lazy, all the horrible words that are not me. I so need to be reminded of these things. We are all good enough, we are all made beautiful enough. We are not less beautiful because someone considers us beautiful. We are not less beautiful despite the lies of our minds.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I think the others have said all that I would have, thanking you for being brave and sharing your struggles with us. But I’d also like to say that you have a couple lines in there that made me light up with a smile.
    “All of these are just the wrap around the present, and I don’t know about you, but I’m that kind of kid who doesn’t care much about the gift wrap, only about what’s under it.”
    “After all, salt does look like sugar, too.”
    Those two made my day, thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

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